Since I am a habitual early riser, the responsibility of going out to the gate, switching off the gate lights that we normally leave on the whole night, getting the newspapers and milk from the basket, feeding the dog, letting him have the run of the land etc. are given to me. No, let me correct that…they are responsibilities that I have taken upon myself and I try to keep my commitments as often as my health permits.

Now when I go the basket on the gate I always realise that the newspaperman obviously delivered first since the milk packets are on top of the papers and not the other way around. And I quite like it that way. The papers in their folds become perfect carrying mechanisms for the milk.

Now since the milk is delivered from ice boxes of sorts, the packets are moist and when they are placed on the newspapers, the papers obviously absorb the moisture and depending on how early or late I got up, the papers are either wettish…or fully wet with absorbed moisture. Obviously, right?

Yes. Obviously. No points for getting that answer right. But something baffled me and has baffled me for a few years.

You see I subscribe to three mainline papers. The Deccan Chronicle. The Times of India. And The Hindu. Since the newspaper vendor for all three is the same, one boy delivers all the three at the same time in the morning.

But here’s the funny thing. It is always The Hindu that wraps the other two papers and it is the paper with the least inserts. Now, if you are familiar with the process of collation and pre-distribution then you’ll know that this is just a function of the way the boys all sit at the adda and pack their papers. Paper 1 for House No. 20. None for H. No. 21, no one lives there. Paper 1 & 2 for 22. Paper 1, 2 & 3 for House No. 23. And so on.

So the way the heaps of 1, 2 and 3 Papers are kept and depending on whether the collator works clockwise or anti-clockwise, the order of newspapers in the bundles remains the same. And if one paper is the last in the arrangement, it also gets a lesser share of inserts.

I know that. One side of my brain accepts it. But my problem is that every day I have to contend with a wet Hindu. And I promise you that neither DC nor TOI look sexy wrapped in a wet Hindu.

So I think everyday…why, oh why doesn’t the order change. Why doesn’t one newspaper boy break the pattern. Wrap the Hindu and TOI with a DC. Or something.

But no! The old order never changeth.

So I stick to the labels. DC gives me Hot News. TOI gives me blatantly biased news. And The Hindu gives me Wet News.

But have I stopped questioning this cosmic order? No. I still wonder what would happen if the boy retires and a left hander is taken in his place?

And then I wonder if there is a message in all this…somewhere. Do we ignore the answers because we believe that if we are not questioning, we are dead? Think about it…

if you have nothing else to do. I didn’t this morning!!!