Underclothing advertising has long been a contradiction. The product is essentially functional but over the years it has been reduced (or elevated) to a very sensuous and cosmetic level.

Your dreams will come true if you choose one brand. Women will fall for you if you choose another. That kind of positioning is what started the male wars.

Female underclothing remained for a long while in the shadows of discretion. But inevitably that category came out of the closet and started becoming more appealing, sexier if you will, and bolder, definitely bolder.

Even the brand names stepped up with confidence and the amour and petals types made way for suggestive (if not downright provocative) names like Victoria’s Secret and so on.

And that was a name that intrigued all of us. What was the undergarment doing to the fictional Victoria (and not the Queen) to make her look, feel better?

Was it perking things up? Was it playing things down? What else, other than reducing the ‘hang loose’ quotient, was it doing? Or rather, what else was it expected to do?

I have over the years, as an advertising professional, perhaps as an occasional letch, and as the head of a predominantly female dominated family, followed the evolution of the undergarment.

And come to understand some of its many nuances. Learnt to understand why one brand cost more or less, why bras were better to buy abroad than in India and so on. But I never came across a USP like the one Jockey is using now in Filmfare. Maybe the ad has appeared before. I did not see it then, and that’s why I am reacting now.

A Bra or a Pantie that promises that your secret is safe as long as you wear a Jockey?

What does that mean? That the other brands start leaking your secrets the moment you buy them? How is it that this notional advantage “I keep Secrets” is being presented as a proposition that will make you change your mind and opt for Jockey.

Has anyone heard of a brand that conceals cameras in the undergarment? Is this something to watch out for? Or is there an embedded device that latches onto a nearby blue tooth signal and transmits confidential data to a nearby stalker?

If the answer is ‘No’, then I am truly concerned about the state of advertising. If the answer is ‘Yes’ I am more concerned about the state of the female.

And if you want to keep it a secret, then God Bless You.