Once upon a time there was a world where the game of Golf was an insanity indulged in only by the rich, famous and ‘nothing-to-do’s. That was a wonderful time. People, especially friends, woke up at earthly hours and the only T-off we referred to was our fantasy of Bo Derek taking off her wet Tee Shirt.

There was no talk of Golfing Weekends, Foreign Soirees, Golf Widows and a ridiculous pot at the end of a rainbow called the 19th Hole. PUT was still spelt P U T and a Caddie was a Cadillac that we couldn’t afford.

The same thing with the Marathon Runners. The only people who took up running as a career of sorts were the criminals, the petty thieves…who still had to escape the clutches of enraged mobs or pot bellied cops. And needed running skills.

Or the poor Jawans.

I guess in the Olympian times it did make sense to see who could run so many kilometres the fastest…there may have been lives at stake. But in today’s environment, running seems to be a mindless passion.

I always find myself asking the runners…in my mind of course…what are you running towards/from? And I always find them too out of breath to answer coherently.

So my lovely circle of friends…people like me in some form or the other…who like things sedentary. Where the movement of elbows is magically timed to the swing of dusk, and the mouth is used for things other than gasping.

So my circle of lovely friends…people I have grown up with, admired, emulated and even envied…many of them are vanishing. Victims to this new age disease.

Call them for a drink and they’re likely to tell you they are in the Philippines or heaven forbid, in Bali. And damn…even at the ramparts of Golconda. And they make it sound as if they’ve reached there early in the morning to help save the Nizam or his harem.

The Marathoners of course are a different breed. Not satisfied with driving us mad by running us down for being lethargic and so on, they decide that there is a higher calling in running in different locations.

Have you run the New York Marathon? The Boston One? Not even the Hyderabad 10K, the half marathon? I actually know a couple who ran the marathon in almost every known run in the world.

I always imagine a conversation between a parent and a child. “Beta, bada bankay kya karega?” And the child answers…”Bhagoonga Dad…ya Golf Kheloonga”.

And damned if I don’t have a friend whose golfing son is well on his way to becoming World Champ and has already made more money than his parents did their entire lives!!!

I guess it’s all a result of cricket and sponsorship and Sachin Tendulkar.

Saala. Cricket may tho chance naheen hai…to kyo na hum Golf khelen? Ball he ko tho maarna hai na?

And if you think I have a problem with running or golfing because I can do neither, you are mistaken. I only have a problem with this new culture of setting goals, competitive standards, world records and obscene pay cheques.

A million dollars if you hit a ball 300 yards…a zillion if you smash it outside the stadium. Are we talking real money or Monopoly?

But I guess, in a world where billions of dollars are paid for a straight line between countries I should not be surprised any more. Thank God I still have friends who believe that meeting up over a drink is still a healthy pre-occupation. And a great way to enjoy full contact sport is to watch it on television.