I am convinced that it is an epidemic. Of gigantic proportions. I don’t know who started it and when but it’s kind of gone out of control.

Looks like half of Hyderabad’s eligible citizens are taking the condom usage promotion too seriously and are, even after their ‘deed’ is done…refusing to take off the condom.

To the normal, more discrete Hyderabadi this is an embarrassment. And given the growth in population it is also difficult to look away. The worst thing is that many of our chaps not only leave their protective gear on but also decorate their bodies with flowers, kumkum, haldhi and sandalwood paste.

What are we supposed to do with these holy anointed specimens. Say Namaste? Bow to them? Applaud? What!!!

Have I lost my mind? Am I going bonkers? I mean, seriously…what am I seeing that you don’t…or can’t…Help!!!

But wait…before you reach for that smart phone and call for an ambulance or a doctor or the police or all three…listen to me…understand my woe…see the world from my perspective.

I am talking about cars…new cars…

Let’s face it…the number of new cars being sold everyday has risen exponentially over the years. People are becoming richer. They are getting loans easier. Their transportation needs have grown to include their servants, their peons, their baby sitters…even their dogs and cats.

So new cars are flooding the streets…what’s wrong with that? It’s but a natural measure of prosperity. Right?

Right!!! And I have no fight with that…

What I am referring to…and what I have a problem with…is the horrible middle class habit of leaving the plastic covers on the seats in the car for longer than necessary.

Please understand, the covers are put by the manufacturers so that the seats remain clean till you take possession of your car. Because you wouldn’t want to buy a new car with dirty seats, would you?

But the moment you take delivery of your car and finish the formalities like pooja, registration and so on…the covers are meant to be stripped off. But hot damn…look at the street…look at the new cars…all gleaming…all polished…all modern day triumphs of design etiquette…but  very many of them with their seats still covered in plastic…still wearing what looks suspiciously like a condom!

A Scorpio looks like a pansy…even an Audi looks forlorn.

Would you tell your newly wed wife to wear her new saree for a few weeks…just so that you could flash the fact that she was a new acquisition? Would you cover your sofa set at home with white sheets just because you didn’t want household stains on your Italian Furniture?

So why the hell don’t you take off the gloves? Go berserk and rip the plastic to shreds…it’s not eco friendly in any case. Come on guys I am prepared to be labeled anything but please, please for the love of God…let your car not drive around like a young stud with a hard on…and a hard on with a helmet at that!!!

And sporting ribbons if you please. God Help!!!