Have you seen those Television Reports about Baahubali? Or what the media is saying. How many crores were spent. How many collected on the first day itself.

Man, the media hype is so much that even I, who normally don’t care too much for Telugu Movies in theatres was tempted.

I resisted the temptation however and even told my friend that I would watch it online.

But fate had other designs.

I was in Madhapur. Finished my meeting by 4pm. And had to stick around in that area till 6. So instead of going to a coffee shop or something I decided to take a chance with PVR in In-Orbit Mall, and much against expectations, got a single ticket between two young couples. Behind me were three young men.

And the movie began.

The beginning was all animation. Ok, I am biased. I have seen phenomenal animations, been part of teams that developed them. And so, please don’t curse me if I tell you that the waterfall animation was so unreal, it was amateur. At best it looked like a good gif that makes the water ripple on a screen saver.

The leaps and bounds of the hero were all so stupendous that it was obvious that there was a lot of rope play going on. Pity the rope wasn’t used to hang some of the people involved in this film.

But the funny part was not on screen. It was around me. On my right I had a girl who was obviously falling prey to the hero’s charm (No. Good Indian Girls do not confess that they think the man’s body is hot). On my left there was a man, who inspite of being accompanied by his partner, made no bones about the fact that Tamanna’s decision to bare all, met with his approval.

The boys at the back were whistling in tune with Tamanna’s heaving little breasts. The girl on my right had a neat little heavy breathing thing going…I didn’t know whether it was her escort who was the cause or the star on screen.

Then came the song sequence.

And the camera went ape-shit about the upper torsos of the cavorting couple. The hero’s chest. The heroine’s breasts. Chest. Breast. Chest. Breast. The visual rhythm was amazing. Strange how the faces got missed out. And the heroine obviously knew how to make the most of her breasts. Or someone must have told her that if she bends forward, her small, almost insignificant breasts hang down and give the false impression of size. Just as the hero must have been briefed about showing off his pectoral muscles.

All this chest thumping cinematography was bad enough. Even the supporting actors started showing their nipples. Tanikella Bharani too was not spared the disrobing. That was when one of the boys behind me made a comment that I found it difficult to stifle my laughter. In fact that was perhaps one of the reasons why I walked out of the movie during the intermission.

What the man said in Tinglish was…this camera person is focusing on the hero’s chest and nipples. He should be doing the same thing for the heroine. Who allowed her to cover her body?

To which the other friend remarked…who knows…after interval, maybe things will change.

I ran out. I did not dare stay back for the second half. Do you blame me?

Oh. And there are two bulls in the movie. One is a huge fellow, more than ten feet tall who gets defeated by the hero. The second was a beefed up hero who should remember never to show this movie to his children when he has them They’d be scarred for life.