Last night quite a few of us got together at the opulent Park Hyatt to celebrate 500 years of William Shakespeare and pay tribute to his brilliance.

Seema Azharuddin, a dear friend along with her partner, director Dr. KSI were the brains behind the mega event and all of us walked in with huge expectations. We were looking forward to several interpretations of our sentiments and we were not disappointed.

The evening was full of variety – from music to drama to stand up to spoofs, all the genres were covered. But that’s like saying the Indian Cricket team has the perfect balance of batsmen, bowlers and fielders. Unless all of them come together there is no harmony and there is definitely no cricket.

Even if you ignore the fact that the program started almost an hour late the opening batsmen were disastrous. Dr. KSI has obviously been led to believe that being rude is being funny, but unfortunately most of the audience had not been similarly brainwashed.

His Sunil Gavaskar style of defensive batting made him introduce the musicians in excruciating instalments and then he presented the music director as if he was introducing AR Rehman.

While the musicians by themselves were good enough (and Flute Nagaraju his usual brilliant self) the end result was nothing short of an AV Ramanan Orchestra Night without the familiarity of the foot tapping numbers. I only hope that the music for the movie that my friends are involved with features better music.

So the form is that the bar is not opened till the performances are over and nothing, not even a glass of water can be had…great idea, but then it has to be complemented by timely starts and quality offerings.

And then the excerpt from the Merchant of Venice. NTR, MGR and the likes came out of their graves and poured their spirit into a Shylock with an invisible ‘naamam’. The only thing that distracted us from the accent was the pure, unadulterated illegibilty of the speech. Except for RK Shenoy who was clear and solid, all the others battled futilely with their accents and contrived to put up what is definitely one of the worst interpretations of the Bard I have seen in a long time. And even Salman Khan with his baring of the chest couldn’t save it. But in all fairness I must admit that Seema was a breath of fresh air in her role and so was Amita Desai who cameth, introduceth and lefteth…

But the innings had collapsed by then. Between Gavaskar’s music and Sivaramakrishnan’s drama, the audience was battered beyond recognition and quite a few slunk away to mourn Shakespeare in private.

At this stage I must quote that incorrigible KD who remarked that it was lucky that the Park was so well designed and constructed that it was literally sound proof…so poor Shakespeare would not have to hear what was being done in his name…and hence not have to turn in his grave.

For those of us who battled on, a little Hyderabadi spoof on Shakespeare and his Publisher was like smelling salts and played a significant role in reviving us. Sumi, well done.

And then came Nasr School. Their take on Romeo and Juliet spelt class from the start. The script was nice and their treatment heartwarming. So when Romeo lost his wig, we ignored it as much as ‘she’ did. Well done Nasr…well done NDS.

By this time, it was way past my dinner time and I had to rush home for my insulin shot and so had to ‘pass’ the hospitality of the Park (I do hope that was good enough to make up for all the sufferance).

As I came out to the porch and waited for my car I rued that Seema’s grandiose plans had to come crashing down like this…she is an amazing girl, is Seema. And I know she will bounce back with vengeance but Shakespeare will definitely not be a skull in her cap…or do I mean feather?