There is an age-old ritual we follow at DCH (Dramatic Circle Hyderabad). It’s nothing unique, nor proprietary, but very memorable, very dear. Before the beginning of any show, all the actors and the Director get together off stage and stand in a circle, hold hands and under the gentle directions of the Director, take a deep breath, exhale…deep breath, exhale…and then hum a long winded OM…three times…starting off with a low hum…till we reach a fairly high pitched crescendo.

I don’t remember when I first witnessed this ritual but I do remember that I used to think that this was a ‘voice exercise’ taken to a stylistic extreme. A bit of a ‘put on if you must’ kind of act. Part of the meaningless, pseudo packaging of theatre that’s an unfortunate by-product of our affair with dramatics.

Then it dawned on me that there was a certain amount of competitiveness involved. All of us started off with an Om…and hummed on, waiting for the others to run out of breath before we did. The gasps for air at the end of it all were funny in a breathless sort of way, but what the hell…it was drama…and we had a show to put up.

Now this is the interesting part…maybe because of my regular swimming or because of some constitutional anomaly, I had deep and powerful lungs…and though I was fat, pot bellied and quite out of shape, there were two or three things I could do that did me proud. For one, I could swim underwater for the longest periods of time…and I could make sure that I could be heard in any environment…using a combination of voice projection technique and brute lung power. And in the context of the Om Ritual, hold on to my Oms for a substantial amount of time.

And this became a part of a silly macho thing. I can hold my breath longest…hum the longest, became part of the game. Only later I realized that there was more to standing around in a circle and humming. There was a sensitivity, there was a connect that made the ritual meaningful.

We learnt to identify the hums of each of our fellow actors…and we learnt how to feel the fusion of energies…realized too that if our humming was harmonious, our show was likely to be successful.

A few years back, when I had some serious conversations with death I felt bad that I wouldn’t be a part of these rituals any more…even when by the grace of God and the blessings of family and friends I stumbled back to life I was quite certain that I would never experience the pleasure of humming together again.

I didn’t know if I could make it to the stage. Or whether I should accept the off stage announcements into the mike as my limitation. And even if I did make it to the circle, could I hold my breath…I was sure I couldn’t.

So what was it in the last couple of days that made it special for me to be part of the circle once more…to be holding my breath, holding hands and exhaling on order…and then humming a deep and resonant Om…

I was horribly out of breath…I couldn’t hold my Om for more than a few seconds…and waited with a silly smile for the others to finish their exhalation…I was shaky on my feet and felt that the vibrations that were being generated were unsettling me…but I was feeling good, I was feeling special…I was feeling connected.

I was confused I admit because there was a side of the brain telling me that I had no place in that circle…that I was a handicap merely being tolerated…but last night it dawned on me that there was something happening inspite of my failings…

Earlier most of my focus would be on making my Om-Hum last longer…and only on the periphery of my consciousness did I see the requisite attempt to identify my team mates individual vibrations take concrete shape.

But now…now that I knew I could only hold my breath for that long, I realized that I now had time to identify the others almost at leisure. So eyes closed, focus on…I allowed my ears and my very being to pick up the vibes…vibes that reverberated long after my projections had ceased…and it was a rush the likes of which I have seldom experienced.

The pleasure I got in identifying the auras of my friends gave me much more satisfaction than establishing my presence amongst them. There was a kind of non-competitive, non-aggressive serenity that enveloped me and the whole evening became warm and caring…it was as if the whole world was now in sync with me, with us. As if God had just  heard a brilliant symphony played out by us…and he was quietly applauding…because Gods do that you know…applaud quietly…