Somewhere in Space

Ever since mankind discovered that he could SMS everything instead of using more conventional and less intrusive means of communication, life has been a series of blanked out beeps.

It was alright in the beginning. Most of the SMSes you received were from friends and they stuck to essential communication. Where are you? When are you coming back? And so on.

Then the marketers discovered SMS Heaven. And the deluge started. Sales, Exhibitions, Shows, Plays, Food Festivals, Movies…all of them jumped onto the bandwagon and started harassing the poor mobile user. Soon the field was crowded with Banks making financial offers, agents making life insurance propositions, professionals promoting themselves, collection agencies reminding you to make payments, bills, bills, receipts, proof of transactions, bank updates and what have you.

All this of course was a function of you being counted amongst the high net worth individuals in some warped database or the other. But unfortunately we live in a society that cannot or will not distinguish between a businessman and a courier when tracking his frequent flier miles.

So the higher up the value chain you were, the more innovative the SMSes would be…and everybody from the club to the homeopathy doctor started using the SMS facility to jog your memory.

For those of us who have been gradually weaned into the use of the mobile phone and especially those of us who predate the ‘born with a silver smartphone’ era an SMS still rings with urgency. If there is no hurry, people give us missed calls and expect us to call back at our convenience…but SMSing is resorted to only in case of emergencies.

Now imagine my sleepless nights as bulk messages after bulk messages find windows in the traffic pattern and find their way to my phone. Beep Beep. Oops it is a ‘Balance in your Account’ SMS. Beep Beep. It’s a Credit Card Bill Payment Reminder. Ok…but at 2 in the morning!!!

Give me a break. There are still a few of us left in this world who like to sleep at night and not practice fake American accents on unsuspecting Yanks calling up 24 Hour Helpline Promises.

And then you thank God for friends in the Cellular Service Providing Company. Not only do you register for a service called DND (Do Not Disturb) but you also make sure your usage pattern is not reflected in any saleable database.

Slowly but surely the frequency of the attacks reduces. Your SMS tone is heard but rarely and life begins to find a peaceful rhythm. And then…

The Usage Pattern Tracker at Idea Cellular or any other service provider kicks in and decides that you are getting too few SMSes. And you are an important client, remember. So with the primary purpose of ensuring that you do not die of SMS Deprivation or suffer from SMS Anxiety Attacks, they decide to brighten up your lives.

And they start sending you SMSes. Since these are from the Service Provider they do not apparently contravene any of your DND rules. And then, because they are too cheap or insensitive to hire a good content generating team, they start recycling SMSes.

The same old drivel…billed amount, unbilled amount, caller tune rentals, receipts, reminders…six to eight times a day. And if you are one of the unlucky ones who has two numbers…well, you can do the math. I have, as they say become a robot responding jerkily to SMS beeps and to make things worse, the message is what is called a ‘Do Not Reply’ message most of the time.

I promise you I am on the look out for an alley where the Cellular Signal is weak or non-existent..I want to invite my service provider…and tie them up in the dark…with the only light they can see being their mobiles…and the only sound they can hear is the beep of the SMS…

Will they die? Or just go mad!!! Doesn’t matter…at least I can use my phone to converse and not to replace a telegraphic machine…

(· · · – – – · · ·)…that’s SOS in Morse!!!

When I used to live in Calcutta, very near our house on Lake Place, there used to be a Sweet Shop. And there was no pleasure more undiluted than when my parents would ask me to walk across to that sweet shop and get some rossogollas.

They were put into a clay pot (called a Bhanr or Matka), topped up with the sugar syrup and sealed close with a tissue paper and a rubber band. I would also sneak in some sandesh as an extra sweet with the change that was left over from the rossogolla transaction.

And so I grew up with the taste of Rossogolla, Jamun, Sandesh and Cham Cham and quite naturally believed that this was the length and breadth of Bengali Dessert Cuisine.

The Clay Pot used to make special appearances in our lives whenever we used to travel in West Bengal and Orissa (and we traveled a lot). Everyone from the roadside tea seller to the railway station platform vendor would offer us chai in a pot and the collection of broken down pot pieces around every joint would normally serve as a measure of its popularity.

So when we landed up at Call of Bengal, a delightful little Food Court option in Madhapur to grab a bite we were in for a surprising, delicious education.

The hungry dogs that we were, we ordered a set of starters – Fish Fry and Deemer Devil. For the main course we chose from an order platter that included Loochi+Radha Vallabher Aloo Dum, Rice+Chingri Maacher Bhapa and Moghlai Parotha+Kosha Mangsho. The dinner was good and we were happy campers.

Then Mou Ganguli stepped in and allowed us a glimpse into a world of Bengali Sweets that I (and the majority of my friends with me) hadn’t come across ever before.

While the bowl of Kesar Bhog evoked responses of familiarity and the Booondey was a  subtle variation of the Sweet Boondi we were all familiar with, the Mihidana and especially the Patishapta were strangers. Especially the Patishapta which was a plateful of Kheer filled pancakes.

And then the Prom Queen stepped into the Ball Room and all the boys began to drool.

What was brought out with a bit of imaginary fanfare was a helping of Chaanar Jilebi and a mouthwatering (spelt with a yummmm) serving of Doodh Puli.

The Doodh Puli was to me the magnum opus…the star of the show. It melted in my mouth and left a lingering taste of milk and coconut and a few gentle, exotic spices. It had a texture that felt magically rough and smooth at the same time. And it kind of topped the evening for me.

So, is there a Bengal that sweetens the tooth with more than just Rossogollas, Sandesh and Jamun…yes, I definitely think so…now that I have been ‘sweet talked’.

Thank you Mou. Thank you Call of Bengal.

When I used to live in Bombay and often visited a friend at his Opera House residence, I had to walk through a vegetable market of sorts. And I was always amazed at the variety and freshness of the vegetables available there.

I have been going to these markets since I was a child in Calcutta and was often sent to Lake Market with a shopping basket and a list. But the world of the bhindi (check the tips), the tomatoes, the aloos (look for the black spots), the pyaaz etc. is a distant memory now. Even the saagwaala who used to come on a bicycle to my house in Gagan Mahal is a leafy, colorful part of history.

Yes. Time has indeed passed and the digestive system has been subjected to several shades of appetite. Some I remember with a burp, and some I remember fondly with a taste I can still feel.

There is a Bengali vegetable called the Potol (parwal in Hindi) which is, to quote a friend ‘staple food for any bong’. And having lived for all my formative years in Calcutta one of my favourite dishes involved aloo (potatoes), potol and luchi (poori). Taught by my Bengali Landlord and his family, my mother had concocted this very jholie (thin gravy) dish and with hot pooris, the aloo-potol curry was a celebration.

So imagine my horror when we landed up in Hyderabad on transfer and Mom told us sadly that Hyderabad had not even heard of a vegetable called Potol.

I was shocked. Devastated. But soon came to terms with the loss as I began to sample the wares of Hyderabad…the biryani, the samosas, the lukmis, the haleem, the chai, the biscuits and so on.

Then one day, on a rare trip to Monda Market my mother found a treasure trove of Potol. Unable to bear the thought that she could be imagining things, she asked the vendor what these vegetables were. Parwal, said the vendor with the kind of disdain reserved for Kookka Godugu (Dog’s Umbrella) as Mushrooms are called in Telugu.

And he must have been surprised when my Mom picked up a lot of the offending vegetables and did not even bargain the price.

We were of course, dancing with joy. And over the years Mom not only made our favorite curry but also taught our cook the recipe.

The my Mom passed away and the cook became too old to work. And the potol became again, a crunch I yearned for.

Bengalis who have come to Hyderabad recently do not know the role people like us played in shaping this city for them. How people like my Mom and others must have labored…to convince some vegetable walla to stock exotic vegetables like Potol…

It is because of them that the fisheries chap knows a Bengali Cut and a whole generation of people know the delicacy of a Rossogolla. Not to mention the recent invasion of the city by Phuchkawallas who are giving a tough fight to panipuriwallas and the occasional golgappawalla.

From a time when a Bengali meal meant going to a friend’s house Hyderabad today has quite a few options when it comes to Bengali food…and poshto is part of the local lexicon now.

So it was but natural that my taste buds began to sing their yesteryears melody…Potol…

but the question was, who’ll cook it for me…without making a pulusu out of potol…and I was overwhelmed at the response my simple question evoked. As my friend Subhorup says…looks like my calendar is filled with potol meals for the next few months.

And what do I have to say to that?

Barkis is willing!!! What else…

and thank you Charles Dickens

 

If the author had been older than the 24 that he was when he wrote the script, perhaps it would have been less intense. If it was not Anuj Gurwara flexing his vocal chords across the entire spectrum, maybe the Lothario may have come across as a Wimp. And if it was not Vaishali who brought her own unique touch to the character she played, she could easily have been accused of playing a bit role in the Taming of the Shrew…or should it be the Screaming of the Shrew?

As voices boomed across the sound barrier and the music climaxed with the lights, the struggles of an average ‘open’ couple were brought to light…led ably by the Director Faraz Khan, who ensured that the actors were in character…all through the ten odd days it took the team to put up this play.

Let’s face it. The script was outstanding. The improvisations innovative. And the way the actors controlled the audiences was remarkable. Taking an audience through almost an hour of laughing, crying, farting and cribbing is not easy but the couple managed that with elan.

But in all fairness one must admit it…that while both Anuj and Vaishali were brilliant in their own way, Vaishali it was who came across as someone LIVING a role, while Anuj was ACTING it. Given that Anuj was made to wear a twirl on his face and a lump on his stomach, and he had to do more to project the Italian Caricature I guess that was unavoidable but I wonder if the play would lose its impact if Anuj’s character was caricatured less and lived more. No complaints though…just thinking out loud.

The prude in me definitely cringed at the amount of profanity (and more) that peppered the script but at the end of it I had to admit however that in those particular circumstances any couple would take their conversations to those expected lows and the wife’s hallucinations would include her husband’s pet ‘cat’…if you understand what I mean

But a theatreful evening was had and my admiration for Anuj and Vaishali went up a few notches. Inspite of their age difference and structural differences their physics was amazing. The chemistry of course, was as always…magical.

The script lends itself to manifold adaptations both in terms of nativity and in terms of the physicality that the performance integrates and it will be interesting to see what the duo can or will do with it as the next few performances go by.

Because between the script and the talent there are a few boundaries that need to be pushed…what would happen if the couple was not Italian, but South Indian instead? How would the actors interpret it without the slapstick element? How would it fare as a ‘Bedroom Comedy’ and not as an example of the Absurd?

And so on, and so on…

To quote a man and to misquote a star…”Drama, abhi baakee hai dost…dekhtey jao”

 

Have you ever wondered why so many comic book super heroes wear their underwear on the outside? I have. And let me admit to you that it never made any sense, but always made me laugh.

Till I understood why.

Mythology, both Indian and European, and perhaps Oriental as well, depicted figures who had exaggerated proportions and a different skin tone. So Vishnu, Krishna etc. were Blue Skinned. Similar examples exist in other native myths.

Now art is said to be a reflection of imagination, and imagination is known to be a thought process from a different time plane. So when the comic book super heroes were created, the artists at Marvel, DC Comics etc. drew on the imagery of the divine and thought of giving their characters a different colored skin. Unfortunately, unlike the time when Hollywood made the movie AVATAAR and James Cameron could conceive of characters who in their animated glory, had blue skin, extraordinarily long legs and so on, the older day creators had to think of giving their heroes costumes…skin fitting costumes. That was the closest they could get to representing skin tone.

And to take the illusion forward they chose a vibrant color or a contrast, and made underwear out of the fabric. So the whole image looked like a blue skinned Superman with a Red Costume that consisted of a cape and the underwear. Batman and Phantom had grey and purple bodies, but black masks, belts and underwear worn outside.

And those are the images we all grew up with.

Was there something sexy involved? Did we wonder what would happen if Superman’s Chaddi were to fly off…would he have blue genitals? No. Not at all. We simply accepted the package, just as we accepted that Scots may or may not wear anything underneath their kilts. And yes, we fell in love with the fantasy without having to disrobe them.

And that holds true even for female super heroes like Wonder Woman. I have yet to meet someone or even hear of someone who got his kicks wondering what she would look like without her Wonder Bra

So now, when we hear of a super hero movie that dispenses with the offending garment (in this case, the underwear), we are upset…we are distraught. And in fact we get downright angry.

The next thing you know, kryptonite will not affect Superman because he is color blind. And Phantom will not be allowed to keep Devil as a pet because that’s a transgression of some obscure wildlife law. Batman and Robin in any case will not stand a chance because they will surely be labeled Gay and Bruce Wayne will be accused of child molestation.

Damn this new breed of writers. When they run out of ideas why do they have to muck around with OUR imaginations? Please…please I implore you…leave their clothes alone. Their costumes are part of their charisma…and an essential part of our childhood.

Let them be…and we shall desist from desecrating Barbie Dolls…and stop ourselves from propagating a myth that if you plant your cabbage patch dolls underground, cabbages will grow.

Be warned!!!

If You Want to F@#k Me…At Least Kiss Me First!!!

Oh okay, pardon my French!

But the fact of the matter is that I am angry…pissed off actually.

And the cause for my anger is the sheer ignorance of a digital community that is forgetting decorum and basic online etiquette in their ridiculous attempts to use the medium to enhance their business opportunities.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am all for networking. And I fully believe that Social Media is a wonderful platform where buyers and sellers can meet as easily as friends.

But there is a procedure. There is a protocol. There is a way you go about approaching your network for business opportunities. Online interaction you must remember has very similar rules to offline transactions. When you are physically introduced to a person, you spend some time in ‘cultivating’ him…there is some polite conversation. You may not become best buddies with everyone you transact with, but a minimum courtesy level is expected.

Same is the case with Online Networking.

Take the case of a Facebook or a LinkedIn connection. Someone approaches you with a friend request or an add me request. You see what’s the connection, you see the common friends and interests you have and accept the invitation.

And Bang!!! Even before your signature has dried, your mail box is spammed with sales pitches.

Hello…can we have a bit of a conversation first please. Can you take the trouble of finding out whether or not I am in the market for your insurance deal or for your jewelry business.

I mean, how would you like it if within a day of meeting you in the real world, I landed up at your doorstep, wanting to sell erotic lingerie to your wife. You’d be upset, right?

Yeah…so please use your intelligence (I am sure you have lots of that…it’s the manners that seem to be in short supply) and give a person time to breathe. Breathe in your aroma. Understand you. Actually connect with you.

And then hit him with a Sales Pitch.

The chances of your pitch working increases exponentially if you have already established a reasonable connect with your target. And decreases dramatically if you make it obvious from the word GO that you see your friend or connection only as a ‘Prospect’.

So you decide…whether a handshake is an invitation to hit your audience on the head or whether it is meant to create a fertile opportunity with a huge dose of acquaintanceship thrown in, if not friendship.

Behave! And Benefit…or Misbehave!!! And die.

Jargonizing has never been my hobby. Never my forte. In fact whenever I meet people who throw Jargon around, I hate them as much as I hate people who drop names.

So I must apologize in advance for a stray attempt at Jargonizing that I am tempted to do today.

It all started with my pet subject ‘Viral Marketing’ and my pet theory that there is a huge difference between mere Digital Marketing and Viral Marketing. I have been preaching (and practicing) a theory that the transition from Digital to Viral only happens when the content or the communication integrates an element that enhances its shareability, its passability and so on.

I am for instance convinced that mere hits, views and/or likes are not a measure of the success of a campaign. It is the shares. It is the Pass-ons. In short, only if Word of Mouth is triggered, is the communication truly effective. And this is true in both the offline and online worlds.

I have been looking for a phrase that could describe that unique X - Factor I was trying to describe, to define and to deploy. But while I was slowly but surely getting a feel for what worked in the digital domain while going viral, I still had no label to hang my thoughts on.

For example I saw that while a Music Video, a Candid Camera Video, a Cute Baby Video and even a Porn Video were going ballistic in the viral zone…the moment the challenge of communication became product focused or service oriented there seemed to be a hesitation of sorts. It was almost as if the audience was very comfortable re-telling a joke but was extremely reluctant to share product knowledge or service highlights.

Then a phrase from the online world came to mind. A phrase that many people have used and misused while looking at content on web sites. The phrase is ‘Stickiness’ and it refers to the capacity of the content put up to hold the readers’/viewers’ interest for a period of time. If what you were showing held the audience’s attention for a few minutes/seconds more than normal, you obviously had content with the attention ‘grabbing and holding on’ factor…Stickiness!

While Stickability was a commendable term and concept, I was however looking at a turn of phrase that captured a message’s propensity to jump from one recipient to another to another etc. in quick succession.

And that is what made me think of the Flea…and Voila!!!By the natural rules of progression, I came up with the Theory of Flea Marketing.

And that my friends is simple enough to explain.

If your communiqué has the unique feature of landing on my desktop, and then immediately triggering off a chain reaction where I pass on your communiqué to a like minded friend or friends, who in turn pass it on to their contacts, you would have succeeded in Flea Marketing for your product or service. And that is the biggest favor you can do yourself and your client.

Because you only have two options. Use Digital Marketing as a mere domain where you are given a window for a small period of time…and you come there and shout out your message and hope that the right people heard it…and enough of them heard for it to matter..

Or push the limits of the Digital Domain by planning to go Viral by using concepts like Flea Marketing…so that all you have to do is whisper…and while preventing a Chinese Intrusion into your trail (and resulting in the dangerous Chinese Whisper)…ensure that your message reaches multiple audiences and is made to feel welcome.

Am I going to get killed? Perhaps…Am I going to be ridiculed? Definitely…Am I embarrassed about confessing this? Positively not…Will these three ladies ever forgive me? I definitely hope so. I am very fond of them and admire their understanding of the social media domain that they occupy. And I am blessed to be able to count them among my friends.

Okay. Before I tell you what I am learning from these women, and how…let me tell you something about me and a weird professional side of me. I have self trained myself to learn from my environment. I have often visited pubs and restaurants just to listen to people, just so I can get a feel of the languages they speak and the values they hold dear. This has helped me tremendously in the communication work I have done for various country specific products. And on stage too.

I look at photographs and films with the objective of learning more about the skills that make them. So I look at pictures of factories with the same intensity that I reserve for looking at nudes.

I love learning from experience but also enjoy learning from watching someone else experiencing something…driving a car, cooking food, whatever. If that labels me as a kind of a voyeur, so be it. I wear no guilt and I definitely don’t cross the line into private territory.

So when I saw what these women were doing on Facebook, it took me very little time to sit up and pay attention. Now propriety does not allow me to name names but some of you who are my friends will recognize one or all of them…and that can’t be helped. I am more interested in sharing the collective wisdom gathered from observing their online activity.

First of all, let me introduce my three teachers. The youngest is a recently married girl who has always been compared to a Barbie Doll and whose vocabulary starts with awwwww and ends with mmmuuuaaaaah

The second is a housewife who has a pretty daughter and is very house proud, very content and I think, a great sport.

The third is an entrepreneur who runs a gallery/boutique kind of a place and retails some exclusive, hand made stuff…fashion connected if you like.

The first is amazing. She has an awesome collection of photographs taken of her pre-wedding, during wedding, at honeymoon etc. plus she has a loving husband who obviously adores her and photographs her at every given opportunity, thus adding to her photo bank.

And using this vast resource, this young lady changes her display pic and cover pic almost every single day. And boy, does she generate comments and likes and feedback!!!

The second lady is a classy piece (not to even suggest that the others are not) but this one loves putting up pictures that combine sheer elegance, style, affluence and an amazing sense of balance,

Her uploads too generate a phenomenal amount of likes and comments.

The third of the trio believes in becoming a bit of a clothes horse, a mannequin if you’d prefer the word…and regularly hosts pictures of her showing off the latest ensemble, the nicest of accessories and so on.

Now. please understand that except for the third who actually sells what she shows, the other two are on Facebook for absolutely non-commercial reasons. They are there for the fun of it, for the love of their friends and if in the process they have created some or a large amount of brand equity, then they just say ‘So What’ (instead of a more fatalistic So Be It). Honestly, they couldn’t be bothered.

Now the three of them are more active on Facebook than many serious marketing brands. And the first two are unique in that they make a statement and do nothing else. No recipes, no gossip, no executive posturing, no women talk…nothing.

The other is just a display window.

The one thing they have in common is Facebook. And long may they rule the domain they’ve conquered.

But from them I have learnt…

1. That pretty pictures evoke consistent feedback from a given group of friends. These friends are unsparing in their efforts to applaud a pretty picture. But they rarely take the next step and ‘share’ the picture with others. This means that the ‘universe’ in the case of the two girls is never changing. It’s the same group of friends commenting predictably on their pictures with no significant value add. The only way their circle (readership) grows is when they step out into the real world, and make new friends.

2. That the propensity of women wanting to share the good news (as long as it pertains to personal improvement) is comparatively low. They don’t mind sharing a joke, they don’t mind sharing images of a hulk…but they hesitate before sharing some news that could help them or their friends benefit from a better fashion product.

Oh there is a lot more I have learnt from these three women…too much to share in one blog. As and when the time comes, I will share my take on the 3 Wise Womens’ wwwisdom. But until then…

If you have been told (or worse, if you believe) that putting up pretty pictures of your product or service can help you communicate to an ever growing audience, please forget it. These images are like the newspaper that the vendor throws into your house…No response is expected and No response is given. The universe remains the same…and you may have been better off trying more saner modes of digital communication like e-mails etc. Viral you are not going to be…and if going Viral is not one of the results of a digital campaign you have launched…you’ve landed up wasting a lot of time, effort and perhaps money.

Also please understand that an image of you featuring your product or service is not a guarantee of the picture being liked, leave alone being shared. Imagine you put up a video on You Tube featuring a recipe. You garner a thousand likes. All your friends see it. But no one shares it. What does that mean…a) No one thought what you were offering was good enough to be shared, and b) The people who already know that you are a good cook will be told again and again about you and your achievements…but NO ONE ELSE will come to know, and eventually NO ONE WILL CARE.

And that will be a real pity!!!

A few years ago the rules were different. If you could do something, you did it. If you couldn’t, you shut up. The game changed somewhat later and the mantra changed from ‘do it if you can’ to ‘outsource if you can’t’.

Ever since the Ramalinga Rajus of the world convinced their US Clients that if they could work from across the street, they could work from across the continents…the whole employment scenario changed. The clock dictated the rules and the dollar rate kept the clock ticking.

Simultaneously the statesmen of the world took off from where the International Arbitrators had left after the Second World War and started appointing ‘foreigners’ to solve ‘domestic’ problems. This was done to cash in on Management Bandwidth and also to bring a sense of fair play and unbiased behavior into the whole equation.

Not to be left behind the Cricket Administration of the World introduced the concept of the Neutral Umpire. And teams began to hire opposing team veterans to train them to take the other countries or teams on. So you had Australian coaches for the Indian team and Indian coaches for Srilanka and so on.

Obviously Football had showed them all the way, as had Basketball.

In the world of business too, where for long the family tree had ruled, more and more companies began to look for outside talent to steer the companies they ran into better, even if uncharted paths.

The Coke/Pepsi wars, the US/Japan automobile chapters, the Apple/Windows imbroglio…all had outsiders playing pivotal roles and we saw for the first time Founders of companies not floundering when it came to handing over the reigns of their companies to rank outsiders.

Yes. Outsourcing has worked. There is no doubt about that.

This brings me to a peculiar situation in the Indian Political Scenario just now. The Ruling Party has run out of steam and run out of leaders. Their mute Puppet on a String is on his last lap.

The Opposition who also has an octogenarian frontline dug deep into its pockets but could only come up with a loud mouthed bit of loose change.

The Regional Parties are so busy designing their own statues or building up an offspring driven Pension Fund that they are of no relevance at the Centre except when it comes to the sale of votes.

So what do we do in such a situation? Do we let the dumb masses be driven into giving a teddy bear a chance to ruin the nation instead of running it? Or do we blind ourselves to the pyromaniac who let a generation burn?

I think, the answer my friend, is blowing in the wind…

Dear India, have you considered outsourcing the Prime Minister’s job to a foreigner? Someone who has the strength of character and the depth of wealth to be corruption proof? Someone who has a management background…someone say like Warren Buffet?

What did you think? That I was building up a case for Sonia Gandhi?

Seriously…think about it. It may not be as bad as an idea as it looks at first glance. Remember, we had tried this a few years back when we allowed the Queen of England to rule our country…

and from all accounts, things were much better then than now!!!

I don’t know if you have noticed, but lots of fathers seem to be going around telling their sons and daughters that ‘they can be anything they choose to be’. While this advice is sound and commendable it makes life difficult for the genuine professionals who perhaps were not fortunate enough to have parents who believed in the song – be what you wanna be.

It was bad enough when computerization meant that text typed out in Word Star could be easily edited by a client who very soon began to believe that he was a good copywriter because everyone at home told him that he was so punny, so clever…so articulate. Of course it became worse when pirated versions of Photoshop and Corel Draw became available and the same clients who could now dabble with color changes, font changes etc., also played around with layouts and designs, cool and comfortable with the knowledge that they were ‘gifted’ Art Directors.

Just when we had begun to get over the shock of clients beginning to think that a four color job was nothing but a Xerox copy, we found thousands of youngsters learning the first four letters of a beautiful language called Photography…D S L R.

And before our very eyes, Hollywood titles like the Wedding Planner became horror stories in our dictionary as Event Managers morphed into Film Makers. As long as these newbies restricted themselves to calling themselves anything from Celebrity Photographers to Wedding Film Producers, it was fine. I mean, if a couple gets its kicks by posing in front of a camera while a mock honeymoon session is conducted, that’s their problem, right?

But when all and sundry begin to call themselves Digital Media Experts I stand up and object. Now you’ve truly crossed the line. And that’s not on…in fact it is dangerous for the client!

Let us first agree that a person who posts randomly in Facebook, Google+, Twitter, Linked In etc. is not actually carrying out a campaign.

Let us, and here I’d like to include many of the poor uninformed clients as well…let us understand that putting up a website may be a first step into cyberspace but it is nowhere near the real battle in the Digital Domain.

Subject Matter Experts (SMEs) will bombard you with SEO (Search Engine Optimization) wisdom and will promise you high rankings on various search parameters and engines, but wait…you are still not part of a Digital Campaign. In fact you are quite far off.

The basic thing one needs to understand is that there is a basic difference between conventional media and digital media. Conventional Media is a stand alone vehicle and relies on you to generate Word of Mouth activity i.e. you see an ad, like it and then when the opportunity arises you talk about it to a friend or family member. If you didn’t (and unfortunately in most cases, you don’t) spread the word, the communication has ended with you just being informed.

In the case of Digital Media it’s a whole new world.

You see an ad or a piece of information. You like it. You feel you need to spread the word. The medium offers you the facility to, with the least bit of effort, pass on the message to your friends, who in turn pass on the same message to their other friends…and so on. This is the phenomenon that’s now fashionably called ‘Going Viral’…which is often confused with a success mantra called ‘Going Ballistic’.

If the medium of your choice merely manages to inform your target audience then it is not a preferred medium anymore. The medium and the message combined have to inspire immediate action…first so that your target audience understands the message, likes it and then shares it…almost everything happens in a matter of seconds.

Only if you choose your medium with this objective…only if you can craft messages that have the potential to go viral…then and only then, will you qualify to be called part of a Digital Campaign. The others are doomed to be simply Digital Tombstones in a graveyard of ‘wannabe’ marketeers.

So when you post something in Facebook…or tweet something…or even update on Linked In…look at your message…Does it have a high Passability Factor? Does it make you feel like sharing the item? If not, you may as well have sent your targets a telegram!!!

I see and hear a lot of marketeers tom-tomming about the hits they got on their site, the views they got on their You Tube posts and so on…but I have a different yardstick. How many people actually shared your message with their friends. That is the number that’s a barometer of your campaign’s success.

And the faster everyone understands this, the better!!!

 

I am sure you hate my type. The kind that walks in late for the movie and then in loud whispers asks his friend to tell him the story of what happened till now. I have therefore been called a ‘Bull’ in a China Shop, an absolute boor and several other not so kind things. But I bash on regardless.

So forgive me, if I who feel that food is the greatest unifier in the world, find that in a small place like Hyderabad, the Foodies are multiplying…by dividing.

My understanding of an online Foodie Group is not just a huge fraternity that adds a whole new dimension to friendship and new circles of acquaintances, but it also represents an idealistic utopia kind of environment where hundreds of tastes and thousands of palates converge on a destination and come out with an opinion that is unbiased, and an opinion that can be of immense help to a community that seems to be always stumped for choice when it comes to eating out.

So what is behind this nuclear reaction that seems to have split the Foodie Atom, and created an explosion of sorts? It can’t be the age old debate of ‘should we drink’ or ‘should we not’. Having met most of you I hope I am right in assuming that it’s not a silly flexing of ego muscles that is the cause for the discord. I do hope it’s not about money. Then what?

What has made a bunch of otherwise lovely guys press the ‘let’s split’ button in such a hurry? Don’t they realize that it is the Self Destruct Button in disguise?

Ever since I realized that everyone from the Lions to the Rotarians to the Jaycees to the Masons…were all people who hid agendas behind their smiles I have been a conscious ‘stay away’ type. When I heard about the Foodies I thought all they hid behind their smiles was an appetite. And that was my sole motivation to be a part of this august group.

If I was wrong, and naïve…I am sorry. I am disappointed. If I was even half right, I quote the Father of the Nation who always believed that it was never too late for rapprochement. A good hand shake, a warm hug and maybe a chilled beer is guaranteed to clear the air every time.

And I for one can always offer my fridge for the chilling

I am under the firm impression that creativity has become a victim of premature death. At least as far as names of restaurants in Hyderabad are concerned.

Otherwise what can explain a slew of restaurants called 36, 45, Chattees and so on. I could live with a Corner House and a City Centre but Thirteenth Floor, 3rd Turn to the Right, Pillar No.144 etc. I thought was taking this GPS kind of directional branding a bit too far.

So when my friend Avi Nash D joined a host of others in inviting  me to a new Greek Restaurant in town – The Blue Door, I must admit I was skeptical. But what interested me was the attempt to create a breakfast option in lazy, laid back Hyderabad. People here often only wake up by lunch time and on a Sunday I know many people who get up only for tea. Even the commercial establishments open up fully by about 11. Obviously Hyderabadis haven’t heard (or don’t believe in) the Early Bird story.

But here was a restaurant that was trying. And the invite said 8.30 am. So I decided to give it a try.

It was easy to find the place. It was on Road 45 Jubilee Hills, was opposite Big Dosas…and yes, it had a blue door.

And the moment I walked in, I fell in love.

Here was a restaurant that started off by raising the ceiling if not the bar. High angled ceilings, all white interiors, blue doors and pastel throw-arounds. The imagery was cool, unbelievably cool. And I realized that the whole color combination and the way the restaurant was laid out was cashing in on the Mediterranean Blue feel and the wide openness of the Greeks. The outdoor section had a sundeck kind of feel and little spray guns clouded the roof in spurts.

We were received by Balram, the man behind the restaurant who I promptly labeled the Man in Blue (in English) and Greek Veerudu (in Telugu). And on the advice of Sanjay Borra our in-house food photographer, opted to sit in the airconditioned insides.

We started off with coffee which I must admit was milkier than the way I like it, and lighter than what I imagine the Greeks (if they are anything like the Turks) like. But the Jacket Potato dish (I am sorry, I can’t remember the name) that was served almost immediately thereafter, more than made up for the lapse. The stuffing was cheesy, meaty, herby and delicious. And we had a hard time allowing our photographers to shoot…we wanted to dig in so much.

The range of Kayanas that appeared after that left me with a feeling that the cheese topping was more than necessary and the bottom of scrambled eggs and mutton, chicken or mushroom was less. Also the taste took a sudden southward turn and leaving behind the subtle flavors of all things European, dabbled with a more Indian richness.

Balram explained that the Crepe Machine had not yet arrived, and that the crepes were still being hand rolled…that explained my reaction to the slightly thick serving which made it resemble a poor cousin of a Frankie or a Roll Call Kathi.

I finished off my breakfast with an omelette. Now if you are a fan of a stuffed omelette you should try the Greek version. It’s filling and it’s wholesome. It has as many herbs and spices as your Italian Pizza and as much meat as your Texan Steak.

I couldn’t stay back for the desserts but I did get a glimpse of Chocolate Mousse with olive oil, delicious Brownies with Vanilla Ice Cream dusted with some powdered cinnamon and poached tangerine with honey & ice cream.

All in all, a wonderful time was had and a good Sunday morning excursion for the palate. As I was leaving, my friends told me that they had had an amazing lunch experience here some time back…I have to do that, soon.

I can see that it will become one of my haunts…it’s waiting with white open arms