In 1994, some of the old palaces of the Nizam were opened up and the public was allowed a glimpse of the wonders of the past. Since this was after a few decades of being hidden behind closed doors there was a lot of excitement in the air. Old timers who had seen the palaces in the past regaled us with stories of crockery, cutlery, furniture and architecture that put fairy tales to shame.

One of the palaces to be opened up was the famous Falaknuma Palace.

And I was privileged enough to be chosen to head the video team that documented all the palace insides to show off to people on television etc.

I spent four days in the Falaknuma Palace and I can quite confidently state that there can hardly be a corner of the place I did not explore or shoot for posterity. Magical times indeed.

An old retainer Sardar Saheb was assigned to us and he was a treasure house of stories since he had served in the palace for a few decades and apparently even today is attached to the refurbished palace.

Since it made sense for us to be fed in the palace, the Nizam’s cooks used to cook us some delicacies everyday. And one day when the Minister decided to join us for lunch the finest was brought out, gold rimmed et al. We ate, my crew and I at the fabled 100 seater dining room off plates which were reputed to cost the earth. Like I said, magical times indeed.

With the amount of ornate bedrooms and glitzy bathrooms we were shown I thought I didn’t have to worry about where I could go for a pee. And go, I had to at some stage or the other. The crew was walking out of the palace into the open grounds and letting loose but I thought I should maintain some dignity and poise befitting my position as Chief.

So I asked Sardar Saheb whether it was okay to use the bathrooms in the palace when I needed to. He looked aghast and vehemently denied me permission. Do you want to pee or take a dump, he asked me in chaste Urdu. When I relied that all I needed to do was pee, he led me to the front balcony and corridor. I followed blindly.

Those of you familiar with the palace will know that as you climb the entrance steps you come across this huge, long corridor/balcony at the ends of which are quaint rooms. Sardar Saheb led me to one of these rooms explaining that this was his humble abode.

I thought that was extremely hospitable. I mean taking me to his quarters for the use of facilities. Wow! That was Hyderabadi indeed.

But when he opened the door I realised that it was his bedroom and nothing more. There was no attached toilet or anything remotely resembling it. Seeing the puzzled look on my face Sardar Saheb smiled and pointed to the huge window. Let loose Master, the city awaits your blessings, he announced.

I looked out of the window and saw that the room was on a cliff and the window actually overlooked the city. I understood what he meant and when he stepped out in the name of discretion I stood at the window, unzipped and yes, let loose. Flowing down the cliff in wild abandon.

It was quite an exhilarating feeling. And one I have never experienced ever again. The feeling of pissing away at the world was so strong, it was almost invigorating.

So now when I meet these wannabes who want to tell the world that they were recently invited to the Falaknuma Palace for dinner, I feel like a dog who’s cocked his ears and is wagging his tail knowing full well that he has indeed marked his territory.