The Tatas are India’s premier business family in terms of stature if not in petty revenue terms. Ratan Tata is regarded as a gentleman’s gentleman. The Group’s philosophy and ethics are known to be beyond reproach.

The same with the Mahindras. Inspite of the fact that they have registered monumental growth over the years, no one has ever been able to lift a finger in their direction and point out a blemish even of the minutest nature.

In scandal ripped Japan, Toyota has remained pure like the Ganges. Their honesty has been proven again and again whenever they recalled their cars for the smallest of flaws.

So if these three houses are so exemplary how do I explain my line of thought that lead me to conclude that they were contributing, not even clandestinely, to the Underworld in India.

No I do not have evidence that the Tatas paid good money to the Bad Company. Nor do I have recordings of Anand Mahindra in private conversations with molls. And as for the Japanese, since I don’t speak their language I know virtually next to nothing about their nefarious activities.

It all started innocently enough.

When the Tatas launched their Sumos the police were very interested. Here at last was an upgrade from the lowly jeep which was hardy enough in the worst of terrains but suffered from a distinct lack of comfort factors. The Sumos on the other hand were bigger, roomier and even had air conditioning. So before you knew it, some of the cops in the country had nattily painted Sumos at their service.

That was enough for the bad boys who for years had kept a step ahead of the law enforcement agencies whether it came to weapons or intelligence. Quick as a thought the underworld jumped onto the Sumo Bandwagon and adopted the Sumo as a transportation norm. The advent of the elections helped and thousands of Sumos were deployed in the service of the electorate taking goons from one frightened area to the next with a menacing presence.

As was expected an element of hierarchy crept into the equation. Sumos were for mere henchmen. Air conditioned, black tinted glasses, they became transporters of a higher echelon. The top bosses of course flaunted their Tata Safaris. The cops got left behind by miles.

In the meanwhile a few fatal accidents had dented the Toyota reputation by getting the masses to believe that the Qualis was either unsafe or jinxed. And that rumour ground swelled into a reputation that could not be corrected.

Until the launch of the ultra modern Toyota Innova.

And the stepping into men’s shoes by Mahindra with the launch of their Bolero and Scorpio.

It was as if the underworld was being spoilt with options. They now had a chance to choose from a range of options. So the Innova was reserved for the Dons and the Zamindars. The Scorpios and high end Sumos were allotted to the generals. And the henchmen made do with the Boleros, the non-spruced up Sumos etc.

When elections came up again the parties realised the branding potential of the SUVs. So if one party equipped its cadre with Sumos, the other party opted for Scorpios. And suddenly in far away places like factionism infested Rayalaseema (if the movies represent any truth) brands were associated with gangs. The Reddys perhaps drove around in Scorpios. The others plonked for the Sumos. So easy to identify, so easy to recognise the enemy, right?

The Sumos are built like a truck since that’s what the Tatas know best. The Scorpios have the legacy of the Willy’s Jeep which every driver who likes off roading swears by. And the Innova is maintenance free and good enough to go to town in.

So the underworld keeps collecting these toys. Helped considerably by Tollywood and Tamilwood where films are incomplete unless at least a few dozen SUVs have not been blown up sky high.

And the Tatas, the Mahindras and the Toyotas nod their heads sagely as expert after expert announces that automobile sales are zooming inspite of the recession.

They know that while they may not have contributed to the underworld’s war chest by way of cash they surely have contributed in making their journey more comfortable and perhaps more safe.