They have been reporting on the developments of the Telangana Struggle for years now. And now that a direction has emerged, they are reporting the impact of the new Road Map on different sections of society. What will happen to business? What awaits the bureaucracy? Will Telangana usurp the Tollywood label and will the new Andhra Pradesh have to come up with a new ‘wood’en handle?

Questions like these have sprung up and the media is having a wonderful time reporting, speculating, twisting etc. the stories and the news. But for a moment, do stop and think of what is the impact of the state bifurcation on the media in general and the Page 3 writers in specific. Especially those who belong to the English Media segment.

Wherever the new capital of the rest of Andhra Pradesh is formed the chances are that Deccan Chronicle already has a printing press there. Not so with the Times of India and the Hindu. So if the logic of having an establishment in the capital of the state is accepted and followed, both these and other upcoming English publications will have to set up shop in Visakhapatnam, Vijayawada, Ongole, Nellore or Kurnool.

It’s only money you might say…after all it is only a press that may need to be put up there. And a team of reporters that need to be hired. That shouldn’t be too difficult, right?

Absolutely!!! But what about the Page 3 writers???

Yeah, what about them?

Think about it. Page 3 needs fodder to fill its columns. Pretty ladies, swash buckling young studs, gossip worthy socialites, photogenic art lovers, errant business magnates, flashy spend patterns and most importantly, a cosmopolitan citizenry that Is not averse to some cheesy and sometimes, even paid publicity.

And what do you have in most of the places that are being considered as a potential candidate for Capitalhood…thousands of lovely people, hospitable gems, jewelry rich families, yes…but English handicapped most of them and definitely very low on the style quotient. Plus most of them are the Raos, the Rajus and the Reddies…with maybe a small flutter of the cosmopolitan crowd in Vizag.

No other place, other than Vizag perhaps, has a traditional armed forces presence and so there are no spunky, sexy army brats to show a slit or two on their way to a late night event at the nearby nightclub. Most of the AP ladies for instance, still think a housecoat is a fashion statement…go figure!

So what can the Page 3 Feature Writer brigade do? What will the saucy columns look like…

Spotted Mrs. Reddy (no one knows which one of the hundreds of them) at Hotel Alankar having a custom made Pesarattu???

Mrs. Rao and Ms. Raju had a slanging match at the Jagadamba Center today as each thought the other was cheating with the others’ husband???

Here’s a sneak preview of a dashing young Reddy damsel in a Mangalaam Aunty designed Kaanjeevaram…

What is happening between R and R??? The two neighbors who were bitter foes are now seen hobnobbing with the same club singer.

Have you checked out the new batch of pickles at M. Rao’s house? The mangoes were imported from France. Or even things like…Raja Reddy has just beaten Simha Reddy in the yearly ‘who has more Sumos’ contest.

And so on, and so on…

Page 3 is doomed. Feature writers who wrote with tongue in cheek can now do nothing more than bite their lips. And wait for someone else to put a foot into their mouths.